Wednesday, November 18, 2015


This month has been so busy on so many levels. I can't even. Although I am going to try:

1. T has a love interest and possible first date this coming Sunday.

I'm not sure I even know how to deal with this. To give some background, he has been in the same school since kindergarten (K - 12 Charter School) and although it has provided the academic environment we had hoped for (it is an open district, publically funded, core knowledge cirriculum school with a better score than either of the other two HS in our district) we overlooked the lack of new social interaction this provides. When you are marching to your own drum, like math and science, have lesbians for parents and run cross-country your social status in HS in not coveted. Add to that the tedium of knowing 98% of the students that go to school with you since you were 5 years old and finding a love connection is not easy. T has said for a while that he really wanted to be able to meet girls he hadn't known for years.

 Don't know why anyone would think he marches to his own drum

He got that opportunity yesterday during his school's all day Choir Festival with four other schools. The girl he met seems to like him well enough, is also in a charter school and said yes to seeing Mockingjay 2 with him on Sunday. (I was SUPPOSED to go see that with him. . . . hahahaha. Tossed aside for a younger woman.) He is floating on cloud nine today and she genuinely seems to like him. I wonder if she skiis?

As for me, I feel like we are moving into an entirely new phase of our life. One that includes the need for condoms, curfews, chauffering and finding things for him to earn money to go on dates with (still too young to work). For this to happen the same week as he passed his driver's test for his permit may be enough for me to just throw in the towel and dye my hair grey. I'm proud and terrified and nostalgic all at the same time. I figure just as his childhood was challenging on him - learning to do well in school, to be polite, to communicate, to move and interact and grow - I figure this phase of our life is going to be hard on me - letting go, not prying, trusting that all of the lessons we've imparted to this point will be the right lessons and that he will have learned all of the things he needs in order to function as a loving, giving, non-rapist, respectful, condom-wearing man in a relationship. (No, I do not believe I need to worry about sex yet, but the time is fast approaching and it's out there.) We do not teach abstinence. We teach consensual, affirmative-yes, fun sex at a point where both partners are emotionally and physically able to take that step within the bounds of a solid, committed relationship. That's not yet, but the older he is the closer that moment comes. And now that he is dating, it feels like that moment is just around the corner.

I may be hyperventilating a bit here.

2. My time with my horse has been limited.

I got a wonderful four mile ride in last Sunday. I will be riding again on Saturday. It's not optimal, but life has just been too busy and there have been priorities.

My mom was visiting and this time I didn't work Ashke at all. Unfortunately, I did have to move him, which also dictated some evenings I had to drive out there. I wanted to spend as much time with my mom as I could. She is my rock, my ear and the one person who has known me the longest. I wanted to make sure I took advantage of our time together. It wasn't real exciting (sorry mom) and the second game we took her to was the Bronco-KC game. We stayed in the stadium until it was over (most of the fans had already left) and I think we all felt like we had watched the last game Peyton Manning will ever play. It was sad and frustrating and not what I expected when we chose the games we did. It has left me with a sense of sadness. It is always hard to see a superb athlete struggling to push his body beyond what it can give.

Mom had fun though and the weather was decent. We got to spend time in Estes Park together and spent one night playing board games. Other than that we just hung out and spent time together. Just having her around was enjoyable. I was thankful that she made it home without incident, even though she had to sit on the runway for 2 hours waiting for clearance to take off in our first blizzard.

3. There is not enough time

Our week this week has been overwhelming. We had the airport on Monday, a choir festival on Tuesday, shopping at Costco for the next two weeks worth of groceries tonight and finishing the trace clip on Ashke I started a week ago tonight, the X-Country banquet tomorrow night, trailering to Circle Star Arena on Friday night and then the archery clinic on Saturday and facilitating T's date on Sunday while watching the Bronco game. Next week, we need to get T back on his running schedule (he's had a month off, but needs to be running again), get him registered for the Winterfest 5k, shop for, cook for and then demolish Thanksgiving dinner, before riding on Friday and Saturday.

I am planning for our ride on Friday. Currently they are predicting snow on Thursday and a high of 26 on Friday. This makes me cranky, but it also just means that we need to prepare for the ride.on Saturday perhaps, instead of Friday. I told J that I was planning on packing waterproof matches and some extra food for both us and the horses. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but I want to be prepared for the worse. Riding in the mountains in the snow should be interesting. Hope K is as crazy as I am and is prepared for cold weather. (I also really hope the forecast changes and we get a little warmer weather.)

I wonder if December is going to be this hectic: moving barns, holiday parties, winter weather, and traveling for the week of Christmas is all going to take it's toll. And then the new year. Gosh, where has the time gone this year?


  1. Dating? I don't even want to think about that! You are right though - that phase of parenting will be all about letting go and trusting your kiddo. I'm glad I don't have to think about that for a while yet. I hope his first date goes really well.

    They make wonderful cold weather riding gear. I still have a stock pile from living and riding in WI. My insulated boots were my favorite thing because my feet always turned to ice as soon as I mounted up. I can't wait to read about your archery clinic and see snowy riding pictures.

    1. Dating and driving. I'm not sure which terrifies me the most.

      I have a lot of cold weather riding gear, including a complete set of Carhartts and winter riding boots. I also have a Northface beanie that will fit under my helmet, insulated work gloves and a face mask if needed. I also managed to snag a pair of Kerrits breeches that are insulated with what feels like wind blocking material on the outside for less than $50 on a close out sale at Murdocks. In June. I am planning on wearing them on Saturday so I'll let you know how it goes. Planning on pulling out the archery stufff tonight after our banquet.

  2. My kiddos are 21 and 22, and ohmygosh, the early teen years were the hardest for us, but the most exciting for them. Having a kid with a driver's license is terrifying. Having your kid with a boyfriend/girlfriend is terrifying. You hope that the values you have taught them see them through to the right choices, because you realize that they have to make their own decisions and deal with the consequences themselves (plus, they stop listening to you because they suddenly know everything. Duh.) It's a joy seeing them become their own people, and get to know the amazing adult your child has become, but it's also sad because you loved the child they were for so long. Dammit, and now I need a kleenex.

    Anyway, trust in your parenting, trust in your kiddo. It goes a long way...

    1. And now I need a kleenex. I thought wearing my heart outside my body when he was born was tough, but this mix of anxiety, terror and so, so much pride in the young man he is becoming just overwhelms me. Watching him begin to take the first steps into what I believe will be the defining shape of his life (what else so completely shapes our lives other than who we choose as partner and why) shakes me, humbles me and thrills me all at the same time. Combine that with the doubts that being a parent of a post-Columbine son haunt the back of my subconscious (did we do the right things, did we teach empathy and compassion, did we let him express all of his emotions in a positive affirming way) and it's not a wonder I'm not bald.

      I do trust him. I do. He's a great young man. But sometimes I wish I could just hold him a little longer. You know?