Friday, April 28, 2017

Marriage

I think we all have those days when we just wake up grumpy. A bad nights sleep or wicked scary dream to set the tone for the day. Or maybe it's hormone related, either your own or your partner/husband/wife/child's. Maybe something changes our perspective on the way to the office (like the asshole in the fancy ass car that cuts you off with a one finger wave in heavy traffic) and we spend the day steaming in unacknowledged anger or frustration. Or maybe it's the waded up underwear in the corner of the bathroom left there by your significant partner/wife/husband/child or an open toilet at two in the morning. The point is, most adults have times in their lives when they fight/struggle/squabble with those most important to them. (Our kids do too, although I think they are cut a lot less slack when it comes to expressing emotion to the adults in their lives.) I think couples that have marriages that last figure out how to ignore those moments, letting them slide by without it upsetting the apple cart. I think that parents that maintain a healthy relationship with their kids do the same thing. You just have to let some of the shit slid off.

Last night it felt like Ashke and I were an old married couple that was a little tired of each other.

Thankfully, our marriage councilor was there and was able to keep us focused on our job at hand, rather than letting us fall into squabbling. Or outright fighting. No one wins when that happens: feelings get hurt and tears are shed. Luckily, I realized that I was spoiling for a fight, and that perhaps Ashke was as well, and turned ourselves over to Amanda to fix.

I'm so tired of the buck and bolt away from the scary corner while cantering around that end of the arena, after cantering past it without reaction four freaking times. It seems dirty and mean to me, like your partner/husband/wife/child saying you look "yuge" in those jeans. My flashpoint was sparked, but then I calmed down before any damage was done by the quiet insistence of my trainer. Sometimes we have those moments.

In the end, we had a good effort on Ashke's part to keep his butt under him, move his shoulders as I directed, got a much better result from our haunches in, and even tried a bit of counter canter. Ashke for the most part, gave a solid ride and tried to be a considerate and loving partner/lover/friend/child with only a little bit of attitude toward the end. I tried to ride better, rather than doing the motorcycle lean into the turns, with lots of leg in support. Doing the double slalom correctly and with control is hard.

We finished the lesson with some Simon Says, which included the counter canter, w-t-c, stop and back movements, with lots of transitions, while out on the rail, to give his right hind a break from the twisty pretzel movements we had been working on. Amanda reads Ashke's ears as eager and excited, while I feel like he's a tad more angry than that. Although, he did redouble his effort after she started rewarding him with sugar cubes, something that works on teenagers, as well.

In the end, we kissed and made up. We were both tired and feeling the incoming storm. Winter weather advisory makes all of the aches and pains worse. He needs an adjustment to the base of his neck, since we are struggling again to turn to the right. Seems to be where he carries stress and anxiety. We have a storm this weekend, then our dressage practice test on the 6th and then we get to see Dr D.


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