Last Dressage Test

 Our warm up under foggy skies

Walking toward Amanda

Ashke warmed up well, but I kept it fairly light and easy, not wanting him to be tired as he seemed to be the last show. We worked on the things that Amanda asked of us, and I tried to keep him focused on me instead of the tantalizing mules on either side. As we walked into the arena for our test, I just hoped for relaxed and responsive. I had no real hope of scoring high enough to matter in the little class of three. Amanda told me to have fun as I went in.

After dressage, the EOH was to start. So did the wind. I went out to try and warm up, but the barrels in the arena were blowing over and rushing across the arena to crash into the fence. I scratched. The show was finally postponed til the next morning when this happened:

Thank goodness no one was inside!!

They decided to wait until 5 pm and do the Novice B division, since the other two riders besides me were staying at the arena overnight. I could have opted to stay and ride, since they would do it after the wind had died, but I decided to go home instead. I was done.

I'm at a crossroads right now. I love the discipline of Working Equitation and have been in love with the idea ever since I was introduced to the concept back in 2013. I think it is amazing. I have worked countless hours on improving my riding, and have seen Ashke attain some personal best moments I didn't think we would ever reach. However, none of that matters when I ride in a show. I scored the lowest score of the season on my dressage test in this show.

I realized standing in the indoor arena at Circle Star watching the wind stream past the door carrying seedpods and dust from Wyoming, that I'm not having fun. It seems like my goal of achieving a 58% is receding further and further from my reach and I felt dread at the idea of trying to ride the Ease of Handling phase during that show. So many people tell me I should be enjoying this, but I'm not. I've lost the passion and excitement I had when I first considered this discipline. It's not fun any more.

There is something wrong if I've taken weekly lessons, Ashke has gotten stronger and more balanced and I can see the improvement in each new video, but our scores are dropping with each show. Maybe the problem is with me and I'm trying too hard, transmitting anxiety and angst to him at the show. It sure didn't feel that way this last show. Or maybe the standards are getting more difficult to attain, a target that is constantly moving away. All I know is that I no longer want to show. Even though I have my outfit figured out and we looked amazing. My heart is no longer in this sport. I want to feel like I have the chance to be successful, to improve, to be as amazing in public as we are at home. 

I still plan on being part of the National and local WE clubs. At least for one more year. I will work the shows and J will still be the show secretary for next year as well. After that, we shall see. 

So what does that mean for Ashke and I? I am going to continue to work weekly with Amanda. We will put flying lead changes on Ashke this winter and I will work on improving our canter as we go. I love my lessons and Ashke has benefited so much from the dressage work, plus he loves learning new and difficult things. If Ashke has his flying lead changes, then the EOH course should be easier to ride and maybe we will start having fun again. I think if I decide to ride in a show again it won't be until 2019, at either Intermediate B or Advanced, which gives us plenty of time to improve. I also want to attend the playdays that allow us the opportunity to ride EOH courses in all different venues so I can work on Ashke not being spooky and distracted by his surroundings, but rather obedient and submissive, like he should be.

We are also going to try our hand at a LD or two next year. I talked with an endurance rider here and she watched Ashke go and said there was nothing in his gait that would prohibit him from being in a ride. Since that was our goal when I first got Ashke, I am excited to be able to try with him. It also gives us the excuse to get out on trail a lot over the next eight months and I'm going to have to leg him up again, while also keeping his strength and flexibility in the arena. Plus, the opportunity to ride on trail again, which I haven't actually been doing this summer, is a real bonus. And we still need to try horse camping. Lots and lots of opportunities.